LYRICS

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1. 2000 Friends (Facebook Song)

Sometimes I sit here in the dark

With just the light of the screen

Maybe I don’t get dressed

Have a little more caffeine

Sometimes I stay up late

Time goes by

I say what’s on my mind

And I hope for a reply

 

I never stay away long

I start missing all my friends

I post my photographs

I use my very best lens

Sometimes the comments never come

Sometimes I sit and I wait

Won’t you please like me?

Is there someone who can relate?    

 

Nobody ever writes me letters

I don’t know why I have a phone

I have a couple thousand friends now

So I don’t feel so alone

Sometimes I drop them a line

Sometimes they think of me too

They want to know if I’m ok

In just a sentence or two

 

I know who cooked Italian

And I know who got new shoes

I know who had to pull a tranny

And who’s away on a cruise

I know who got that dreaded letter

I know who just switched shampoos

I know who’s using smiley faces

And I know who’s got the blues

 

I know who likes what

I know who’s friends with who

I know what everybody just did

And what they’re planning to do

I know who’s having a birthday

And who just lost their job

I know it rained in Sarasota

For a little while then it stopped

 

I’ve found a lot of old classmates

People I once knew

Everybody went their own ways

As people these days will do

Some of them got wealthy

Some are living hand to mouth

Some are living up north still

Some have settled in the south

 

All of my old flames got married

Some they got divorced

And of the ones who’ve fallen

Some never got back on a horse

The ones who did have children

None of them look like me

I hope that everybody’s happy

I hope that everybody’s free

 

I know who likes what

I know who’s friends with who

I know what everybody just did

And what they’re planning to do

I know who just lost their father

And who’s decided to adopt

I know it rained in Sarasota

For a little while then it stopped

 

Prayers for my friends in Uganda

My friends in Israel and Iran

Nova Scotia, Ireland, and Denmark

Lithuania and Japan

I hope someday to meet them

Their place or mine

For now it makes me happy

When I see them here on line

 

I know who just got a puppy

I know who’s rose bushes died  

To the ones who own ponies     

Sometimes I tell ‘em I can ride

I’ve flirted with some women

You never know, some of ‘em could’ve been men

And then there was the time when Elvis

Asked if he could be my friend

 

I know who likes what

I know who’s friends with who

I know what everybody just did

And what they’re planning to do

I know who’s fighting cancer

Sometimes I just start to sob

I know it rains in Sarasota

For a little while then it stops

 

2. I Used To Fall

 

I used to fall for girls who smoked

And drank and told off color jokes

And had that certain kind of look

Just a nose ring was all it took

The ones that had that certain spunk

Kind of girlish, kind of punk

Girls you make excuses for

As you lead them out the door

 

I used to like ‘em fancy-free

The way they would pretend to be

They wore all black, they had long hair

They acted like they didn’t care

Full of beans, a great big blur

I used to fall for girls like her

They couldn’t possibly all be true

Five hundred words when ten would do

 

I used to fall for girls like that

Who worked the mic and played a Strat

Whose stomachs were completely flat

They would complain that they were fat

The kind of girls I would pursue

I made them up, they became true 

I think I married one or two

They made me tea and wrote haiku

 

I was always drawn to the manic kind      

Who’d say whatever was on their minds

Girls like that sunk all my ships

Carelessly with their loose lips

And yet for one enchanted kiss

I’d betray myself for girls like this 

A wild eye, a star tattoo

A little crazy were a few

         

Girls like those they have their charms

Red flags and loud alarms

I loved it when they were in my arms

I swear my love was true

Now it takes a little more

To turn me on than it did before

Certain things I can't ignore

Certain things I do

 

I used to fall for girls who dance

In tie dye shirts and draw string pants

Who bang on drums and don’t eat meat

And walk around in their bare feet

With girls like that it wouldn’t last

Not even one half minute past

The moment that the clock struck twelve  

They’d leave me dancing with myself

 

Opposites at times attract

Like chemicals they can react

The girls who once appealed to me

Now don’t seem so real to me

Who used to pluck and strum my strings

And say the most preposterous things

Sometimes they’d look me in the eye

I used to fall for girls who lie

 

Girls like those they have their charms

Red flags and loud alarms

I loved it when they were in my arms

I swear my love was true

Now it takes a little more

To turn me on than it did before

Certain things I can't ignore

And certain things I do

3. What Good Did It Do?

 

I collected my prize

I took first place

The poor runner up

The sad look on her face

I didn't drink the champagne

I left my ribbon there too

Ok, so I won

But what good did it do?

 

I stood with conviction

I put up a fight     

For the truth as I saw it

For peace, love, and light

I fought off the darkness     

For the first round or two    

I got my licks in

What good did it do?

 

In the end I was right

Upon further review

All the things I was saying

Proved to be true

I won an admission

An apology too

In the end I was right

But what good did it do?

 

Tried to live by morals

I spoke my mind

Some friends got offended   

One or two they resigned

I was just being honest      

They already knew

I just tried to remind them

What good did it do?

 

I could hold a grudge

I could probably hold two

And if I didn’t learn to budge

I could end up holding quite a few

I didn’t like being angry

It’s not enough being right

I’d rather be happy

That’s a hard enough fight

I’d rather be happy

With all of my might

Than to sit here and stew

What good would it do?

Sit here and stew

What good would it do?

I’d rather be happy

Happy with you

 

4. New Shoes for Tom Guerin

I'll write 33 verses 

For one pair of shoes

To travel the countryside

Spreading the news

To wander Roscarberry

And all of west Cork

While some head to Boston

And others New York

 

I lived in the poorhouse

I slept on the floor

There was room to sit down

And not an inch more

The people who died

Were carried away

Without ceremony

And without delay

 

Death by starvation

Was sweeping the land

On my little shoulder

It lay its cold hand

Me mother she begged for

A coffin for me

They all thought I’d died

When I was only three

 

  "I roam all the world

Admire each scene

And a tax on the ratepayers

I've never been

I only appeal to you

Now for a pair

Of brogues

And I'll vanish again into air"

 

The grave digger's shovel

Plunged in the dirt

Struck me so hard

It must to have hurt

Though some say I moaned

And some say I screamed

All agreed that I wasn’t

As dead as I seemed

Not so many people

Get lowered down twice

I don't recommend it

Just once should suffice

I'm the boy who was buried 

And dug up alive

The poet, the genius

The one who survived

 

"I rose from the dead

In the year '48

When a grave at the abbey

Had near been my fate

Since then for subsistence

I've done all my best

Though one shoe points eastward

And the other points west"

 

  "I roam all the world

Admire each scene

And a tax on the ratepayers

I've never been

I only appeal to you

Now for a pair

Of brogues

And I'll vanish again into air"

 

I'll write 33 verses 

For one pair of shoes

To travel the countryside

Spreading the news

To wander Roscarberry

And all of west Cork

While some head to Boston

And others New York

5. The Vulture’s Eye

 

I killed a man, I’ll tell you why

I didn’t like his vulture’s eye

Stalking me like I was prey

I always had to look away

 

I did not kill him for his gold

His eye would make my blood run cold 

It wasn’t him that had to die

It had to be his vulture’s eye

 

The vulture’s eye would never blink

To torment me sometimes it winked

I felt it follow me around

I faced it once, it stared me down 

 

I’m not mad, how could I be?

I planned it all so perfectly

It was the work of a brilliant mind

That vulture’s eye I made go blind 

 

I staked him out for seven nights

With a sliver from my lantern light 

That vulture’s eye was always closed

So I waited ’til it was exposed

 

I killed the eye, cut off its head

Its arms & legs, when it was dead

I stuffed it underneath the floor

It can’t look at me anymore

 

I’m not mad, it’s just the sound

Of a suffocated heart that pounds

Don’t you hear it pounding too?

Isn’t it too loud for you?

 

I’m not mad, how could I be?

I planned it all so perfectly

It was the work of a brilliant mind

That vulture’s eye, I made it go blind 

 

I loved the man who had to die   

I really, truly loved the guy

Never had a harsh word, never told a lie

I just couldn’t stand that vulture’s eye

 

The vulture’s eye was a beady little eye

It was always dry, it never would cry

I kind of miss the poor old guy

But it had to die, and I’ve told you why

 

I’m not mad, how could I be?

I planned it all so perfectly

You ask if I’m the crazy one

Didn’t I do what you would’ve done?

 

6. Only a Handshake

 

Both the ump and the catcher

Had their hands on their hips

It was only a handshake

It was a coming to grips   

The sun was casting long shadows

As he touched every base

When he rounded the third one

The sun lit up his face

 

It was only a handshake

Well, maybe not quite

It was captured on camera 

In black & white

The two of them smiling

As he touches the plate     

As he crosses the line

When he knows that he’s safe

 

It was only a handshake

On Opening Day

No one knew what would happen

If the fellow could play

It was only a handshake

But it was the first

Yes of course there were others

Who stood up and cursed

 

It was only a handshake

On a minor league field

And it wasn’t ’til later

It became a big deal

It was just something that happened

It was nothing he’d planned

The guy hit a homer

So he stuck out his hand

 

It was only a handshake

A bond between men

Teammate to teammate

That’s all it was then

He stood there to greet him

Could’ve waited on deck

It was only a handshake

A sign of respect

7. Not a Single Shot

 

Not many people saw it 

How they syphoned off the riches

How they covered for each other

How they scratched each other’s itches

How they took all they could carry

As much as they desired                    

Not a single shot was fired

 

They auctioned off the sunsets

The beaches and the waves

The mountaintops and forests

What sweetheart deals they gave

To themselves and all their buddies

Went the jewels of the empire

Not a single shot was fired

 

They owned the tv stations

The radio and print

They controlled what people knew

And what the people didn’t 

They packed the boards and ministries

Turned up the amplifier

And not a single shot was fired

 

They preyed on people’s goodness

Upon their trusting hearts

They dismantled progress

And then sold it off for parts

They spoke the kind of doubletalk

Goebbels would admire

And not a single shot was fired

 

They demonized whole races

They made the people scared

And all the while from trumpets

Patriotic music blared

“It could never happen here”

Says the Holocaust denier

Not a single shot was fired

 

They often mention Jesus

And sometimes Thomas Payne

This is the Age of Treason 

They toast it with champagne

And behind the iron curtain

It’s all been secretly rewired        

Not a single shot was fired

 

Cameras and checkpoints

And you have to show your papers

The armor and the riot gear

Make robbing people safer

Just who is all that ammo for?

And all of that barbed wire?

Not a single shot was fired

 

Old Glory, she still flies above

The courthouse and the dome

The Super Bowl still happens

Just like it did in Rome

Their ads appear on everything

Like the flags of an occupier

And not a single shot was fired

 

Not many people saw it

The rest they won’t believe

They look at you like you’re crazy

Like it’s you who’s been deceived

They’re bullying the angels

For not singing with the choir

Not a single shot was fired

 

8. A Dane Was A Dane 

 

The gardens were tended, the animals fed

Even their blankets were tucked in their beds

Nothing was broken, the walkways were swept

Everything looked like it did when they left

 

The government stepped down, they firmly refused

To carry out the order to round up the Jews

A Dane was a Dane, the law was the law

There’d be no Jewish Question in Denmark at all

 

Sweden was willing to take them all in

Until it was safe to go back home again        

From the time word of the plan was leaked

They would only have ’til the end of the week

 

No organization or chain of command         

It was everybody just lending a hand

Schools were closed and work shut down

People were moved to little harbor towns

 

They came for the ones who’d already gone 

Two passenger ships they didn’t get on

After spending a week in the harbor waiting

Slipped away from Copenhagen

 

People were hidden in hospital beds

With bandages over their faces and heads

Some were hidden in homes and in schools

In backyard sheds with the garden tools

 

Row boats, fishing boats, dinghies, and yachts

Took them the nine or ten miles across

The German patrols, they hadn’t a clue

Right under their noses and back again too

 

They came for the ones who’d already gone 

Two passenger ships they didn’t get on

After spending a week in the harbor waiting

Slipped away from CopenhageN

 

The crossings were made under cover of night

Aiming for those far away lights

Babies were drugged to keep them asleep

Nobody spoke and nobody breathed

 

Seven thousand Danish people were saved

Thanks to their neighbors decent and brave

When they got home the walkways were swept

Everything looked like it did when they left

 

They came for the ones who’d already gone 

Two passenger ships they didn’t get on

After spending a week in the harbor waiting

Slipped away from Copenhagen

9. Rachel’s Guitar   (Rachel Bissex 1956 - 2005)

Rachel's guitar was out of its case     

On the pulpit where cards & flowers were placed

Weak and exhausted, propped on a stand

Homesick and lonely for Rachel’s hands

 

Rachel’s guitar looked around for its friend         

And for the songs they’ll never play again

It ached for the way she would make it ring

That was maybe the most heartbreaking thing

 

Rachel's guitar looked totally lost

Beyond a line that nobody crossed

It’s voice was mute, it had gone numb 

Since the last time Rachel was able to strum

 

Rachel’s guitar went back in its case

To be laid to rest and to take up space

After the friends and family left

It was taken back home, where gently it wept

 

A sweet old guitar will have many lives

Now this one sleeps ‘til the next one arrives

When somebody takes it out of its case

And they can’t put it down for the rest of their days

 

10. Splinter Cheeks Johnson

 

You could count on Splinter Cheeks Johnson to cheer

A utility player for his whole career

He ate sunflower seeds & he chewed bubble gum

He made sure to save all the other guys some

 

He put his uniform on every day

Sat in the dugout, and shouted hooray

He would sign autographs after a game

Nobody ever had heard of the name

 

Eleven hundred plus fifty-two

Consecutive games...oh the bubbles he blew!

Not one single inning did he ever play

He worked hard to keep himself out of the way

 

They won a World Series & he got his ring

Got sprayed with champagne it was the craziest thing

He got to ride in the next day’s parade

A full share of the World Series pot he was paid

 

In case you might wonder, and most people would

They kept him around because he was good

He always moved over, with excellent form

The spot that he vacated always was warm

 

Splinter Cheeks one time was sent out on deck 

The streak on the line, his nerves were a wreck

The batter ahead of him made the last out

“Way to go Splinter Cheeks!” nobody shouted

 

Splinter Cheeks Johnson was always prepared

Quick to react if trouble should flare

He was always willing to take one for the team

From his secret stash of hemorrhoid creme

 

But Splinter Cheeks Johnson’s body wore out      

It was sad to see but there was no doubt about it

He would start to lose steam by the top of the fifth

His eyelids got heavy and his posture would drift

 

Splinter Cheeks Johnson was taking a nap

He’d covered his eyes with the bill of his cap

A murderous foul ball bounced off his head

They carried him out, Splinter Cheeks he was dead

 

The Splinter Cheeks Johnson baseball card set

A nickel is probably the most you could get

He had no statistics to put on the backs

Not even any interesting facts

 

You could count on Splinter Cheeks Johnson to cheer

A utility player for his whole career

He ate sunflower seeds & he chewed bubble gum

He made sure to save all the other guys some

11. My British Emily

 

“That other woman” says my wife

 “She’s who you trust with your life

You listen to her more than you do me”

I said, “You just tell me where to go,

But how to get there you don’t know

And she never asks if we can stop and pee”

 

Yeah, I think that other gal knows best

North and south, east and west

I hardly pay attention anymore

In bed sometimes I hear her voice

British Emily, not Australian Joyce

And in my dreams we take a little detour

 

Once she told me to turn onto a dirt road

But all night long it had just snowed

And not even the highway had been plowed

I didn’t turn, kept going straight

She kept saying “Recalculating - 

Make a u-turn when allowed”

 

Now sometimes we might disagree

All the while she yells at me

And nothing I yell back will shut her up

I call her a whore, call her a witch

I call time out and I flip the switch

For some peace and quiet she can’t interrupt

 

Satellite connection dropped 

So I pulled over and I stopped

Spaghetti Junction coming up ahead 

Been years since I’d last had a map

All spread out across my lap

I wished it could’ve talked to me instead   

 

Ramps to the left, ramps to the right 

There wasn’t another soul in sight

Who wasn’t whizzing by at 75

My teeth were clenched, my knuckles white

That’s when we had another big fight

And she refused to say which way to drive

     

Now sometimes we might disagree

All the while she yells at me

And nothing I yell back will shut her up

I call her a whore, call her a witch

I call time out and I flip the switch

For some peace and quiet she can’t interrupt

 

One time when I drove all day

Just one road, a long, long way

I got caught up in thinking as you do

She froze to death, I didn’t know

I’d missed my exit hours ago

I never even saw her face turn blue

 

I mount her and I turn her on

She tells me that I’m her Don Juan

In ways only my Emily can do

That’s her out there in the car

The one who does knows where we are

Turns out all she needed was a screw (a Phillips Head)

 

Now sometimes we might disagree

All the while she yells at me

And nothing I yell back will shut her up

I call her a whore, call her a witch

I call time out and I flip the switch

For some peace and quiet she can’t interrupt

 

“That other woman” says my wife

 “She’s who you trust with your life

You listen to her more than you do me”

“It’s true, I do, but she knows the route 

And she’s the one who has a mute

And she came with an extended warranty

My British Emily”

 

©2018 Chuck Brodsky  |  BMI